Praise Your Child In the Right Way
It is easy to praise a child when the child has done something really nice. But, at times when the child acts stubbborn and adamant and you do not want to be angry, you resort in to a string of praises.Well, you may not be identifying yourself in this category.
But, the fact is that yes parents do resort to this technique to manipulate a child’s behaviour.
ThisÂ type of praising is mostly resorted to,when children refuse to eat or bathe.
The mother starts off saying. Sharon is a good girl, Sharon is so obedient, Sharon always listens to mamaâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.Yes, she is my sweetheart
And, stilll despite all the persuasion, when the childÂ refuse to listen the parent looses his/her temperÂ big time.
Well, then when and how does one resort to praising a child?
Here are some tips which will help you,if you have to face any such situation.
Focus your statements on the child’s actions and efforts rather than characteristics. It’s better to say something like, “I can tell, you worked really hard on that,” instead of, “You’re so smart.”
Research and studies show that children who are praised only for their characteristics, whenÂ encountered with a difficult problem and faced with the possibility of failure tended to work very hard only to gain approval again. Their motive is not to do the job.
Â These children give up when the difficulty of the task increases. They did so because they do notÂ want to risk losing approval for not being able to complete a task.
Be a good example.Children learn through observation and imitation. Parents are the best role model for their children.Â
It’s much easier to copy a behavior than it is to develop a new one by yourself. Make sure you do the things you want your child to do so you can praise them. Don’t do the things you want them to avoid.
Try to engage in discussion rather than usingÂ evaluative praise. A good example is children’s art work. Rather than just saying a picture is pretty, ask the child to tell you about it. This does a couple of things.
Rather than having a brief interaction, you’re now spending some quality time with your child. You may gain some insight into things that are important to your child by listening to things they are describing.
You’re also fostering important brain development by having your child describe things to you. Whether the child is 3 or 13, this type of interaction is meaningful. You’re building your child’s self esteem when you show them they’re important enough to listen to.
A sense of importance develops in the child. The child feels good when he/she is being listened to.
“If mummy and daddy are listening to me it means I did something really good”.
Â A sense of well being and pride develops in the child when they are heard.
Surprise your child once in a while by noticing when they do something right and saying so. Praise them in front of your family or friends. This will help the child know that you love them, and their effort did not go unnoticed.
Praise good behavior. When a child does something you like, acknowledge it. “I really appreciate how you made your bed today.”
Praising behaviour leads to positive reinforcement causing the behaviour to be repeated again.Praise small improvements. Everyone learns by trial and error. Sometimes you may be working on improving a behavior. Praising steps in the right direction gives encouragement to keep trying.
It is not necessary to constantly be praising children for them to have good self esteem. An unending stream of positive statements can do damage. Tailor what you will sayÂ when faced with such a situation.If a child has misbehaved, make sure appropriate limits are enforced.
Make sure the child understands that it is not they but their behaviour that you dislike
Be consistent in your behaviour as a parent. Being positive and engaged at times then indifferent or abusive at other times can be very damaging.
Don’t use praise to manipulate your child. It will errode, the sense of trust, the child has in you.
Keep these factors in mind when praising and correcting your child.