Poor parenting and Indiscipline

I am not a parent yet. I do not hope to be one soon. And what cheek have I to do a write-up on parenting skills? I do because there have not been few occasions when I have said silently to myself ,’ I wish my parents could read what I am feeling right now’. And I believe, thus, that the best answers to one’s queries as a parent can be found in one’s histories as a child.

One needs to revert back to their own childhood and the childhood of others around them. After all parenting is not a science. It is an art. And an art which can never be perfected and which can never have a master. It can only be gotten better at. Better than one was at it yesterday.

How often in your childhood do you remember being ignored or sidelined? How often have you had to witness violence at the hands of the people you love and who love you? How often were you confronted with an unrelenting ‘no’? How often did you wish you had different parents? How often have you been ashamed of them? And how often have you looked at other kids and thought ‘I wish I was as lucky as them?’

Tendencies which give birth to the questions such as the foregoing often lead to strong rebellious tendencies in children, which begin to manifest into irreversible personality traits as they age into teenage and eventually adulthood. Freud, in his theory of child development, traces the phenomonenon of civil sense development, often termed ‘discipline’ through various stages of child growth.

Poor parenting, according to the most established theory in the domain of personality development, authored by Freud, can be courtesy highly control-centric parenting as well as highly lax-freedom-bestowing parenting.

Passive parenting

1. Violence:

Beating up a child or using other acts of violence, which are perceived as a punishment by the child, will induce a feeling of negativity associated with the act that triggered the violence on the part of the parents. Such violence would often lead to the building up of excessive anxiety which is the root cause of most anti-social behaviour and criminal activities in the later life of the child.

2. Denial:

Repetitive refusal of the objects that the kid desires will lead to the development of inferiority in the child which will, more often than not, meet defense mechanisms of aggressive behaviour meant to camouflage such inferiority complex.

3. Order:

Discipline enforcing methods, if not executed appropriately can be another contributing factor to what the child perceives as right and wrong.

4. Rebellion:

Rebellious tendencies, in teenagers, can be a manifestation of a lot of hidden memories from early life. It is important to be sympathetic to the revival of these memories and adopt a friendly attitude to the child. These tendencies, if suppressed once again in adolesence, can snowball into a much bigger problem in later life.

5. Distance:

The child, in its initial years of life craves for the physical touch of the parents and needs them to be around it. The denial of this physical touch and presence can take the form of rebellious activity vents later in life.

Aggressive parenting

1. Protection:

A child which is brought up to be increasingly dependent on his parents will struggle in later life to become independent. This can be the cause of highly rebellious tendencies developing in the child due to peer pressure.

2. Praise:

Excessive praise can lead to the formation of a superiority complex in the child which will lead to rude or careless behaviour, many-a-times coming across as indisciplined and anti-social to others.

3. Indulgence:

Indulgence is a corollary of praise, often creating a superiority complex in the child vis-a-vis its peers. Though many parents might beg to differ, most experts would still put it in the category of poor parenting behaviour.

– Lin J

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